


breathe

by tasteslikeciel



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS
Genre: Gen, Yusaku has a panic attack, if reading about a panic attack bothers you don't read this, not particularly graphic but i used some of my own experiences to write this so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-06 05:52:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12205161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tasteslikeciel/pseuds/tasteslikeciel
Summary: When Yusaku loses himself, Shoichi is there to keep his head above water.





	breathe

**Author's Note:**

> I've been thinking about this a lot and it's seeped into my other fics so I wanted to write something about it officially. I have a giant soft spot for Yusaku and Shoichi bonding and I 100% believe something like this has occurred in the past.

A scream is ripped out of Yusaku's throat and he bolts upright from the cot he doesn't remember lying down on. Desperation and fear sear his lungs, leaving his chest heaving and his throat achingly raw. Wide eyes frantically scan his dark surroundings as he tries to remember where he is, tries to  _think_ through the fog clouding his brain. But no matter how hard he tries, he can't recognize anything around him. It's all vague shapes and creeping darkness.

Why? He doesn't--he doesn't know what happened. He doesn't know where he is. The last thing he remembers is being trapped in that white, featureless room again. There was no door, no people, and no response no matter how much he shouted or pounded his fists against the walls.

(And he hates to admit it, but he _begged_. Begged for someone-- _anyone--_ to please _please **please**_ let him out because he couldn't do this. _He couldn't do this again_.) 

' _I'm fine_.' Yusaku thinks. He tries to lie to himself even as his hands shake. He clutches at the fabric of his shirt (just over his pounding heart) and swallows around a lump in his throat. It's such an effort he nearly chokes. He can't catch his breath. ' _I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine._ '

His lips move quietly as he repeats that mantra to himself over and over again, hoping to calm himself down and forget what he's seen. He doesn't notice when the words change and the mantra twists or how his breathing shallows into increasingly breathless spurts. His tongue feels like cotton in his mouth and his vision blurs into a watery mess. He can't move, he can't think, he can't see, he can't breathe, _he can't breathe, he can't breathe, he--_

"Yusaku!"

Yusaku's breath hitches when hands settle on his shoulders and the cot dips. He lifts his head a little and barely registers who's hovering in front of him. Familiar dark hair, equally dark eyes, a pained expression, and--and why can't he breathe? His chest hurts, his head hurts, _he feels like he's drowning--_

" _Breathe_ , Yusaku. You're safe here. You're _safe_." The hands around Yusaku's shoulders tighten a little and the other's voice, although calm, sounds a bit more urgent. "Just _breathe_ , Yusaku. Concentrate on breathing."

It finally clicks who's talking to him and despite his situation, he pushes himself to speak. "Kusa...na...gi..."

"Yeah." Shoichi returns the acknowledgment with a brief smile. There's something like relief in his voice. "Don't try to talk now, okay? Just breathe. In and out, as slowly as you can. You don't have to worry about anything else. You're safe with me. I promise."

Yusaku's clenched hands tighten even more and his eyes squeeze shut. He tries to follow Shoichi's gentle command--tries to calm his breathing--but it's so hard. There's a weight on his chest making his heart scream and phantom hands wrapped around his neck (clawing; _squeezing_ ). Shadows of memories that plague his heart keep trying to drag him back under the current. Trying to suffocate him under the weight of this agony. Trying to _hurt_ him. 

There's a ghost of a sound that cuts through the air like a pitiful sob and it takes Yusaku a long time to realize he's the one crying.

" _Shhh_. It's okay. You're okay, Yusaku." Shoichi soothes. His hands move to cover Yusaku's. "You're safe. Just breathe. _Breathe_."

Yusaku tries and takes a deep breath, but it's a little too sudden and a little too forceful and suddenly he's coughing from the effort. Shoichi mutters a curse under his breath and is quick to steady Yusaku with another hand at his shoulder when he sways.

"I--Kusana...gi--"

"Shhh. Yusaku, it's okay. You have to calm down and _breathe_. Copy what I do. Match my breathing. Slow and steady, alright?"

Yusaku's breath hitches again, but he answers with a slight nod.

"Slowly, now. In." Shoichi inhales and exhales at a slow pace. "And out."

"In."

Yusaku does it with him. His inhale isn't as slow or as steady. It's jagged and broken and squeaks, but he doesn't choke this time.

"Out."

His exhale is shaky and too quick and he wants to swallow around the cotton feeling still in his mouth, but Shoichi squeezes his hand in supportive silence and he focuses a little harder.

"In."

The next go is a little easier and Yusaku can feel the fog in his mind beginning to clear. This repeats, again and again. Each time gets a little easier and each time the world becomes a little bit clearer. At some point in these breathing exercises, his eyes have opened and he finds he's staring down at his and Shoichi's entwined hands. Yusaku doesn't remember ever reaching out for him or feeling their fingers lace together, but he's grateful. He's grateful Shoichi is doing this for him. He's grateful his friend is here to keep him from drowning. 

Eventually, the fog lifts and Yusaku returns to himself. The weight previously coiled around his neck and ribs have vanished and the cotton clogging his mouth has dissolved. Although he feels tired (so unbelievably tired) and his cheeks are drenched in tears he never realized he was shedding, he did feel better. 

Most importantly, he can breathe. _He can breathe._

There's a relieved sigh from Shoichi once Yusaku's breathing has returned to normal. He moves to wrap an arm around Yusaku and Yusaku, feeling exhausted, leans heavily against him.

"Can you still breathe?"

Yusaku curls into his hold, lips twisting into a frown. "...yeah."

"Good.... _good_. I'm glad."

There's a time where neither of them speaks so that Yusaku can continue to recover, but it's broken, eventually, by Yusaku's guilt.

"...I'm sorry."

He says it so quietly that Shoichi almost doesn't hear him. Almost.

"Don't be." He gives Yusaku a reassuring squeeze and rests his head atop Yusaku's. Yusaku can feel frustrated tears burning his eyes so he closes them. "We're friends, aren't we? You're always safe with me. Remember that, okay?"

Yusaku's only response is to squeeze his friend's hand. It goes unspoken, but Yusaku does remember and the next time he falls asleep unannounced in the food truck, he sleeps peacefully.


End file.
